Bad kitty

If Ollie were really a kid (instead of just getting treated like one) he would be sitting in the corner right now. That little bugger is having quite the night.

I just pulled him off of a pile of fancy dresses that I had placed on the floor for literally two minutes, (ok, overnight) and he chewed into my arm like a snake injecting venom. You know- when they grab and don't let go but keep pumping their little fangs to get the poison in there deeper... yeah like that.

But that was just the topper, that was after I found the present that he left for me. Based on smell and mold growth I'm dating this little puke present at last Sunday night- the night that my roommate Claudia had her little birthday party and I left Ollie alone in my room to fend for himself rather than pretend to want to hang out with a bunch of 20-year-olds. I should have known he'd get back at me.

I just didn't see this one coming. Ollie is way less vindictive than he used to be when I was shooting medicine in his mouth every other minute. But, he must have felt that I deserved a well-placed puke present in my closet, under clothes, where I wouldn't find it until many days later when the smell gave it away. Speaking of smell , my g-d damn roommate just left the house, which means that he has sprayed a crop duster amount of old spice and the smell is wafting though every room of my house and getting into my pores. If given a choice I would take the Ollie puke smell over this.

In fact, I think I'm not mad at Ollie anymore, I feel my anger shifting towards old spice and all the 'I'm stuck in the late '9os when I was young and full of promise and actually had a chance at getting a date ' sadness that it represents. If I never smell old spice again it will be too soon. Did I mention that old spice makes a body spray, deoderant and a body wash in addition to their cologne. Oh, and Diego owns all of them.

Nay a stray strand of baby's breath in sight

Anthony has great taste in flowers and now that I have two cameras at my disposal I'm going to give him props for my valentines day flowers which lasted a whole week and a half before the roses, alstromaeria, and other pink and red things all died on the same day. But what was left was still beautiful: orchids, button mums, and spider mums. Take a look:

lost and found

I cleaned out my closet this weekend and found the horribly ugly yellow sweatshirt that Anthony thought he had lost and was bummed about- but that I was secretly glad was gone-but is now back and I'll have to give it to him because he'd see it in my face if I didn't. Here is a photo of the back of this sweatshirt-it's only saving grace is if I wear it while riding my bike there is no way anyone will hit me. Trust me, it's even brighter in person.

Now the only reason I could show you this sweater is because I also found a brand new camera while cleaning out my closet. I think this is a sign that you really needed to clean out your closet if you're finding brand new, unopened, totally useful things in there. I almost threw away the box, but it was heavy so I opened it and tada! new camera.

This is what I've pieced together. Three years ago I bought a new camera, I know it was three years because I bought it for Joe and N***a's wedding. One year later I broke the screen at Downieville. Here's where it gets murky. I THINK Anthony took the camera back to Best Buy and got me another one. At the same time I he also kept the old broken one, ordered a new screen and fixed it. Hence, two cameras. I believe the plan was he would keep one and I would keep one and we'd have two, but then his old roommate gave him his old one, Anthony kept that because it was old and good for taking on bike rides and I had two cameras, one for now and one for later.

Here is photo evidence to back up my theory: I found this photo on one of the cameras.

I almost feel guilty posting this pretty bad photo of Anthony, especially when he's always doing nice things like fixing my electronics, but c'mon it's funny. Here's another one take at Anthony's house. it must be right after he put the new screen in.

I also found these shots which I apparently took to test out the new camera. That's Ollie trying out the 'Wheelie Beast' my xmas present from Anthony two years ago. It's a rolling bag thing from rei that will fit a small child inside, or at least five Ollies....
Disgusting side note: I think that's Ollie puke on the floor in the background. I'm sure I cleaned it up right after this shot was taken....


Here's the even crazier part: I was fiddling around with my 'broken' camera and it turns out all it needed was a reformatting of the memory card. Now it works again. I have two cameras- again. This time I'll give one to Anthony.

day'o' nothingness

Dena and i both had the day off yesterday and we went downtown and did nothing and it was great. I even made two very smart purchases that I'm already feeling really good about. The first purchase was two tiny balls of rabbit fur surrounding nuggets of catnip. Ollie loves these things. He had one already that he had chewed so often it was starting to fall apart, but petco refused to re-stock the damn things.

He now has two and when he sees those little balls of fluf sitting on the carpet i swear he looks like a kitten on christmas. It's like he forgets he has them until, oh my! is this rabbit fluff surrounding a nugget of catnip? bliss.

The second purchase I made is the reason that my two-buck chuck tastes just as good today as it did yesterday-awesomeness. It is the vinu-vac, made in some slavic state of course, or else the netherlands. Actually, never mind, it's the vacu-vin.

Now I can spend two dollars on wine and make it last longer too-so recession friendly it hurts.

Twitterific

I was part of a 'webinar' last week at work. I learned all about social networking and how to use it for good and not evil ;)

Long story short- the web expert was in love with twitter. So I joined up. I gotta keep up with the young'uns, and let me tell you- facebook i kind of get, it's like gossiping without actually having to talk to anyone, like stalking without getting into trouble with the law, but twittter? Twitter is weird.

What you do is write tiny little updates of 140 characters or less. You could say what you're doing, put a link to soemthing cool or wax poetic. You follow other people's updates and they follow yours. I can see how this would be cool if my friend and family were actually on twitter, but there is no one, I repeat no one I know on twitter. You people aren't as cool as me. So instead I am following Barack Obama, Tina Fey, and Rainn wilson from the Office.

Obama hasn't posted since he got elected, Tina Fey had a caramello for lunch yesterday and Rainn Wilson had an amusing rant about how every npr reporter has a weird name. He is right- npr reporters have weird names. my theory? They were all teased, became nerds, which led them to a career at NPR.

But I digress, I was about to tell you the absolute weirdest part about twitter which is the moment when people start to follow you. Some folow me because I'm following them. (Like the Onion) Some are obvious- online marketers looking to schmooze. Others are obviously collecting followers- they have tens of thousands.... but then there are a few who are totally random. Just normal people who, for some inexplicable reason, want to follow my tweets. (That's what it's called when you post on Twitter)

I find this odd. Why do they care what I'm saying? They don't even know who I am. Sure, I'm witty, and smart, but still- what is their motivation? and how did they even find me?

I bet N***a is cringing while reading this- she's a little internet shy, but I'm going to carry on. It's a new frontier out there- one of tweets, and microblogging, and other assorted odd-ness and I an going to explore. Incidentally, if any of join twitter- let me know!

gettin' old

I was just thinking the other day that man am i getting old. It all started with one incident, and it is this: I came home after a long day at work and my roommates were watching Ironman-loudly. What did i do? Did I drop onto the couch, pull up a beer and relax wile watching robert downey jr tear it up in metal?

no. I did not. I went into my room, put in earplugs, and starting reading the ny times online. This, my friends, is what old people do.

I am not walking around dripping

I've often thought that reporters who cover health issues must be very unsettled people--if they follow all of their own advice. It gets very confusing.

Coffee is bad for you. Coffee is good for you. Dirt is bad for you. Dirt is good for you. the list goes on and on.... BTW, what does it mean that the first two examples I thought of were coffee and dirt? I think this says something about me....

Anyway- the latest news is that blowing your nose is bad for you. Well, if blowing my nose is wrong, then I'm gonna take the old cliche and say that I don't want to be right. What is this crap?

The claim is that blowing your nose creates so much pressure that it actually forces boogers and germs into your sinuses, which can then get infected. Hmmm, so my choices are blow my nose and risk possible infection or walk around sniffling every two seconds, dripping snot and instantly making myself a pariah everywhere I go.

I think I'll take option A.

This is just an example of what I think is some of the worst traits of the news industry- there is space to fill and damn if they aren't going to fill it. Though the piece the ny times did on coffee and caffeine and how good it is for you? That one is totally true.

Trader Joe's cashiers have dodged a bullet

I was out of coffee so after wok I pulled into the trader joe's parking lot. After getting cut off twice, almost hit once and generally pissed off countless times within a five minute time period, I thought to myself, "fuck this place," and then I drove to vons

Traders and I have a love/hate relationship. I love their wine selection, their salads, the little yogurt parfaits...I hate the parking lot, people who hover in front of the cheese section for 20 minutes, and the damn talkative cashiers. Some of you may know of my past history with these cashiers... Dena is the only one who has witnessed it. She swears they have a photo of me in the back room that says 'beware' and she might be right.

I don'y know what it is about the traders cashiers- but they piss me off more than anything else in the whole wide world except for people who say dogs are smarter than cats, which is totally not true. long sentence.

I have, in the past, let my feelings be known to these cashiers. Anthony is starting to think i have a traders-centered anger management probelem, but he just doesn't understand that they're all asking for it. I know management tells them to be friendly but these people are obnoxious mixed with intrusive.

Here is a normal conversation between me and a traders cashier:

them: hi, how are you?
me: fine ( I don't like to encourage them)
them: did you find everything you needed?
me: yup
them: have a good day (at this point most of them have sensed that I don't want to talk)
me: thanks

Here is a conversation that is destined to piss me off:
them: hi, did you find everything you need?
me: yup.
them: so, how was you day?
me: fine
them: just, fine? (said with what they think is a charming smile)
me: yeah
them: but the weather was so beautiful, didn't you get to go outside?
me: i was at work.
them: oh, that's too bad, i woke up, went to the beach and class and then came to work (meanwhile they are ringing up my groceries slooowwwlllyy)
me: uh-huh (in my head: I don't care, I don't care, I don't care)

The time I got really snarky with a cashier he was talking, and flirting, and talking and flirting with everyone in line in front of me- even the men, I swear to g-d. When dena and I got up there he tried to chat us up and I just snapped.

I can't remember exactly what I said- though dena might cuz I think she was horrified- I think it was along the lines of, "Why don't you spend less time trying to chat us up and more time rining up our groceris and then maybe you line wouldn't be the slowest one IN THE ENTIRE STORE. "

I swear, if it was a movie the people in line behind me would have broken out in applause. I think they were thinking about it.

So, Vons was ok, btw. in case you were wondering. even though the guy in front of me tried to argue the price on the ENORMOUS container of bleach he was buying (?) and the console has way too many buttons to push before it gets to ringing in your damn card.....but you know, I guess no store is perfect ;)

I only watched the 4th quarter-turns out that was enough

There's something to love about an underdog, and we sure do. David and goliath, Rocky and the Russian, the rebel and imperial forces..... and for a short time today- the Arizona Cardinals.

Of course, they didn't end up winning, but it was a good fight and i found myself rooting for them just a little bit. There's something sort of exciting and romantic about being an underdog and i think that's why we're so obsessed with them. When you're the underdog you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You can walk away with your head held high either way- as long as you do your best.

I'll admit, I only caught the fourth quarter. Anthony and I weren't that into the bowl this year. We were going to watch it at Pat's house but a sick baby derailed that plan. so we went on a hike..got a snack.. showered.. changed.. and by the time I got home at 7 the game was still on. Man, are these things long.

And I found myself yelling at the tv like i'd been watching the whole game and had a couple beers in me, instead of what i was really doing at the moment- sitting on the floor in front of the tv rubbing Ollie's tummy with one hand and punching the sky with the other- and then when i thought the cardinals couldn't lose- the steelers scored on an awesome pass!

I think I'll only watch the 4th quarter of super bowl games from now on. There's less ads, more atual football, and come on, admit it- everything truly exciting that's going to happen will happen in the fourth quarter. I'm glad I turned it on.