yeah, yeah, I'm slow

There have been a couple of comments from those who say I never update my blog- well, um... I have no comeback. The truth is I started a new job, moved in with the man, and have been a bit overwhelmed with facebook lately. In that order.

Between facebook-ing for work and researching social media plans all the time frankly the last thing I wanted to do when I got home was post. I also think that I had super high expectations for myself, like every post had to be long and well thought out. Well- no more of that! I suppose I could post more often if I just lower my posting standards a bit.

So, tada! here's my post. You all must check out this blog. And before you ask- no I don't hate babies, or parents (most of the time) but this stuff is hilarious!!! Scroll down until you find that someone has actually posted a pic of their kid's butthole on facebook, not the cheeks, mind you, but the actual hole. You can't make that stuff up.

BTW, happy pre- birthday to Andrea who would never put a picture of her daughter's buttholes on the internet. Andrea, as a reward for your awesome-ness I have a present waiting for you. It's wrapped and everything.

That's my post everybody, until next time! Oh, I also bought Ollie pet health insurance today and I seem to enjoy reading Cat Fancy, but that's a story for another time...

Spolier alert: it was not a beanie baby

Have you ever picked up a glass thinking it was milk, only to take a drink and realize it's orange juice instead? It's disgusting, right? because your expectations were one thing, and the reality another.

Now imagine that the milk was a beanie baby and the orange juice a dead rat. That's pretty much what happened to me the other night in my bedroom.

There I was sitting on the floor putting on my shoes when i leaned back and put my hand on the floor just underneath the bed. I felt something soft, (yes, soft) and thought to myself, "oh, I must have dropped a beanie baby down here," This was not a strange thought since I had just gotten rid of a bunch of stuff, including beanie babies. So, instead of screaming, I pulled the furry thing towards me0fully expecting to see a cute little stuffed animal.

As you have all guessed, it was a dead rat. Freshly dead by the looks of it. I screamed so loud my rommates came running. Then I washed my hand four times. Then I freaked out trying to pick that thing up while keeping as many layers of paper towel between my hand and it. Then I washed my hands again-twice.

You may be thinking, but wait, isn't this the cat who once threw a dead bird in the air bouncing it from wall to wall in the hallway? The cat who once left what I called a 'mouse buffet' of no less than five dead mice in a row for me to find just inside the front door? The cat who frequently eats a mouse and then throws it up, leaving a cat trachea sized tube of mouse entrails and bones on my bedroom floor? Yes, this is that cat.

I believe it was the element of surprise that threw me off, because as you see, I am used to finding dead things in my house. Why he hid it under the bed I will never know. Perhaps he was saving it for later? All I know is, as traumatic as it was, I'm just glad I found it before it started to smell.

P.S. did you look at that Ollie photo closely? If you did, you'd have noticed the tiny tail hanging out of his little mouth....

Shelly is totally showing me up

Have you guys been following Shelly's posts over at These are the Salad Years? She is totally showing me up. She is hi--larious, and prolific at blog writing and insightful and she tells you things that I'm not sure I'd put on the internet and -in short- she is a rocking blogger and I'm jealous. I haven't posted in forever. I get sick of the internet at work, and frankly I think twitter is taking over the brain space once reserved for useful pursuits.

I am also weak, because everyone time sit down to do a blog post Oliie gets upset because I'm not paying attention to him and I get up and give him attention and abandon my post. Shelly posts things and she has ACTUAL children. How does she do this? Ollie is meowing at the door right now and giving me kitten eyes. I am ignoring him.

Would it be a cop-out if I start making lists? It would be a lot faster. Here is a list of the new things in my life.

1. I hired a friend of mine who just actually happens to be a trainer to train me for my yosemite trip and bathing suit season, respectively. After my first session with her my pecs hurt so badly that it was painful to go bra-less.

2. Dena and I are hitting the gottschalks going out of business sale today before other people with common shoe sizes such as our own get all of the cute shoes.

3. My parents and little brother Chris will be in town sunday and monday. yes it is a weird time for a trip. Chris has a tennis tournament in SLO. While they're here I'm going to make them dinner at Anthony's house, get my dad's help buying a new pair of tennis shoes (hes' an expert) and give my mom the earrings i got her for her birthday from etsy.

4. Ollie is now waiting patiently outside my bedroom door. He does the same thing when I'm in the bathroom.

5. I can hear my phone ringing and it is Dena's ring. She's expecting me to be ready to go and I'm not. Better get dressed.......

Minty

Have you guys ever been on Mint? It's a website that helps you keep track of all your money, what you have and what you don't have. I recommend it, but only if you can handle seeing EVERYTHING you spend your money on.

I won't even get started on how depressing it is that Mint calculates your net worth. The money you have minus everything you owe (including student loans) yeah, it's not cool.

But that's not really the most enlightening thing about it. It's the little things that are really amazing. The pie graphs- those are best part. so colorful. Also, the bar graphs. Those show you how your spending compares to others. So, let's get down to the good stuff-- what I spend money on. Wait, I'm looking for examples that won't make Anthony grind his teeth... hair? .. no.....pets?.... eh...

Ok, here you go: in the last six months I spent only $18 on fast food. ha! I am awesome. Fast food also makes me puke, so you know...

Ok, maybe this post wasn't such a good idea....

Just kidding, Anthony! I am super responsible with money. It just all seems like so much when you see it all gathered together. $89 bucks at Starbucks? Ok, that was for six months, but still. $100 on Netflix? totally worth it. So ok, I'm not so bad.

yes, it did kill a few brain cells,

.. and no I'm not talking about wine, I'm talking about the bachelor. At the risk of being totally frivolous and lame for a minute- which I'm about to do- gfvbgvbhhhyyyywsrfedtgh, oh sorry about that, Ollie stepped on the keys. back to the frivolity!

did anyone catch the finale of the bachelor last night? ? I only watched the 'after the final rose' special but it was pretty damn ridiculous. the guy picked one chick, proposed, frolicked with her and then came back in six weeks, dumped her on national television and then asked the runner-up to take him back- and she did! It was ludicrous. I couldn't look away. Oh, and how much of a tool does this guy look like btw? he couldn't be toolier if he tried.

So anyway, this second chick comes on, talking about how she still has feelings for him, yada, yada, and how she dreams of him coming out on stage and changing his mind..... I don't know about you guys but I've had similar thoughts after break ups, the 'he'll call and tell me it was a big mistake dream'. But in my version I told him to go f**k himself. This is the difference, I suppose between me and this dumb chick:

if you have to have more info, check out this piece in TIME: it's called Why do tools fall in love?

Bad kitty

If Ollie were really a kid (instead of just getting treated like one) he would be sitting in the corner right now. That little bugger is having quite the night.

I just pulled him off of a pile of fancy dresses that I had placed on the floor for literally two minutes, (ok, overnight) and he chewed into my arm like a snake injecting venom. You know- when they grab and don't let go but keep pumping their little fangs to get the poison in there deeper... yeah like that.

But that was just the topper, that was after I found the present that he left for me. Based on smell and mold growth I'm dating this little puke present at last Sunday night- the night that my roommate Claudia had her little birthday party and I left Ollie alone in my room to fend for himself rather than pretend to want to hang out with a bunch of 20-year-olds. I should have known he'd get back at me.

I just didn't see this one coming. Ollie is way less vindictive than he used to be when I was shooting medicine in his mouth every other minute. But, he must have felt that I deserved a well-placed puke present in my closet, under clothes, where I wouldn't find it until many days later when the smell gave it away. Speaking of smell , my g-d damn roommate just left the house, which means that he has sprayed a crop duster amount of old spice and the smell is wafting though every room of my house and getting into my pores. If given a choice I would take the Ollie puke smell over this.

In fact, I think I'm not mad at Ollie anymore, I feel my anger shifting towards old spice and all the 'I'm stuck in the late '9os when I was young and full of promise and actually had a chance at getting a date ' sadness that it represents. If I never smell old spice again it will be too soon. Did I mention that old spice makes a body spray, deoderant and a body wash in addition to their cologne. Oh, and Diego owns all of them.

Nay a stray strand of baby's breath in sight

Anthony has great taste in flowers and now that I have two cameras at my disposal I'm going to give him props for my valentines day flowers which lasted a whole week and a half before the roses, alstromaeria, and other pink and red things all died on the same day. But what was left was still beautiful: orchids, button mums, and spider mums. Take a look: